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 OMG! Might be the best description of this fantastic event. Although some of the planning wasn't perfect we actually had a fantastic time. Not only did everyone that came together completely enjoy each other's company but the entire group plans to do it again. We will hold another gather this winter, 2012. Date and the Event name will be announced soon.

There were a few similarities in the group that are only loosely connected to their kin type, if at all. Most of the group were either cisfemale, transwoman, genderqueer, or a mixture of them. There was an underlying energy of feminine, that was very nice. Then of course all of us were otherkin, but there were no elves (oddly enough) There were all sorts of other, including therians, but no elves. Then there was one very important similarity, all of us were cast aside by others in the past. Shunned. dismissed. Together we dislike that energy so much that we brought in the opposite - an inclusive space. Something I have only dreamed of since my very first kin gather. A gather where a group of kin come together and work to understand and accept each other for enlightenment, not for any other reason. WOW, it happened... seriously.

Even with the heat of the summer, the AC was on and most of us piled inside. It seemed each time we tried to go outside it would storm and push us all back in. Interestingly though after one faerie was able to create an amazing dragon to be hung above the group alter. Then the entire place began to dance with each other. It was amazing to watch the shy open up with beautiful smiles and amazing conversation. Each element of the Faehaven was used. The divination table, the community kitchen, the trade table, the group alter, the snuggle room, the costume closet and the open sexuality room had various amounts of activity throughout the day. The yard provided play room for all and frankly the space was so flowing I am only making one small change for the winter gather - and that's a discussion board. More on that later.

This event brought together some very unusual folks that truly enjoyed each others company.... Don't fit in anywhere else? Come to the gather, you likely will - ha ha! 

Facebook : Faehaven (Otherkin Safehouse)
OtherWiki:  Faehaven (Otherkin Safehouse)

I strongly suggest that if you haven't already read my post "The Now" that you do so now before you continue with this story. It has way more meaning when you read the 1st story.

Part One Click Here to Read first

This time I was staying a little late at the nursing home after a long day-shift. I had agreed to stay until dinner was all cleaned up. The supervisor had placed me on the "area" of the nursing home I had only worked once before, way back in May. But this time they put me down a different hall simple because of who I was covering on this shift.

I didn't even quite remember what Lily looked like. I sat quietly to feed a woman that didn't speak a work to me - although she stared at me intensely. She couldn't speak and was sort of out of it... she needed full assistance. I sat to feed her dinner and as I stared back into her lost gaze I lost myself in thought. I was thinking that I have been so busy in the garden being creative I haven't had much time to write... then I remembered the story I wrote about Lily. Ohhh wait, she might eat up here, it was an option for her. I looked around the room and none of them were Lily. Some of them were familiar but none of them were Lily. She either ate in her room or she was one of those ladies at the big puzzle table eating. I had helped set up over there but I hadn't thought to look at their faces at that time... I will have to take a moment to look when I am done.

Soon my attention was drawn to the table conversation among caretakers and the ladies sharing funny comments about men, since one of the caretakers had just answered a lady's question about when she was going to get married. I always find this gender conversation familiar yet uncomfortable. Its a weird place to be in, but sometimes I get what their saying. Other times I want to say "Well not all men are like that." or "well if you would simply express what you REALLY want you might actually get it. guys are just easy." This time it was about one of the lady's ex husbands and she was saying how marriage was best for creating offspring. LOL... I always find this feminist POV fascinating and the woman in me loves it. 

I glanced over at the corner where the men sat... they all sat in silence and watched the game. I often wonder if any of those men are bored and wish they were over here with the ladies. Why is this generation so sexist? What will it be like to young people taking care of me? 

Finally it was time to clean up and I rushed through all the tables and worked my way around the dining room along with everyone else to clean up all the dishes and walk the nursing home residents back to their rooms. Finally after some monkeying around with the other employees to burn off a little steam I looked around. Not much left I just need to clean off that puzzle table, where I didn't really look at the ladies with their backs to the room. There was only one lady left at the table and she has dishes there, she has just pushed them to the side and continued with her puzzle. I looked down real close and realized I had discovered Lily sitting and putting together a puzzle, all by herself. 

I squatted down in front of her and said, "Hey there Lily! How are you?" 

She answered just as society had taught us, "I am good. How are you?"

I answered  practiced with "I am having a great day Lily." and then continued sincerely, "Have you done all these puzzles?" I pointed around the table at the dozen or so puzzles already put together of everything from wild animals to abstract designs, some big - some small. 

She mumbled a "Yup." and then went right into "What is the meaning of life?" and she turned away to look through the puzzle pieces.

My feet had fallen asleep because of the way I was squatted so I stood up and looked for a chair.... there was none, simply because everyone used wheelchair's around here. 

Standing I said, "I don't know Lily, can you tell me?"

She found the piece and turned with a huge smile on that troll like face. I squatted to get a better look. Her eyebrows had grown into the center of her eyes and she had several long hairs growing from around her eyes and mouth. Her face was troll like with a sort of "old witch" feeling.  She was wearing some sort of "dutch" type cap on her head. It was perfectly attached to the top of her hair that was tied up into a bun. She was wearing a plain blue dress that I suspected she made about 10 years ago along with an apron type cover that had no frills, just plain white. Very plainly dressed with that cap meant she was likely dutch or Mennonite, maybe even Amish. 



She said, "Take a guess and she placed the piece into the puzzle."

I smiled and almost with sarcasm said, "I don't know Lily? Is it puzzle?

She looked up from the puzzle and smiled so large she showed her teeth and she said, "Right., Good Job! What is life? Life is a puzzle. Life means puzzles." 

Then she looked at me with hopeful eyes and said, " What does life do?"

She looked away from me and down at the table to examine more pieces in the puzzle. 

I thought for a minute and she looked at me again with hopeful eyes. Holding her puzzle piece she looked up at me just as a teacher would and said, "It begins with the letter T"

I thought for a minute... what do puzzles do? Well .... wait, she's a teacher. Puzzles teach... it must be teach.

I looked at her like the smart student whom knew she had the right answer and said, "Is it teach, Lily?" and for the moment one of the dietary people came over to clear the cup I hadn't cleared because I was talking to Lily. I was a little embarrassed to be having this game with her as she was obviously an Alzheimer's patient and I knew that it would be seen as a bit strange to be holding a rational conversation with someone like her. But I truly love their world and I want to hear more... I hope he leaves fast.  He comes and goes fast as if he doesn't even see us, as if she quickly cloaked us.

He walked away and she looks at me and says, "Great job! That's right! Life teaches. Its a lesson. What have you learned?" and just as I was thinking about her question and trying to form an answer... she says just as she did the first time I met her.

"What is the meaning of life?"

Ohhh here is the repetitive questions for the Alzheimer's patients... there is a loop. She talks in circles, likely....

I had to go. A woman behind me demanded my attention, she wanted to go back to her room. She was so grateful I pushed her back... I was happy to have made her day. She blessed me and I walked towards the time clock. 

I was so excited...  I knew the meaning of life. Now what? 

 

 I love music... seriously I truly love it. It is an art form that touches my heart so deeply I cannot even describe it. My love for music has been a lifetime love and often I find music that helps me heal from things. It also helps me resolve life and other mysteries. Sometimes I hear a song that I just am so touched or I swear that the writer wrote that song just for me. Or the voice of the singer seems to massage my soul.... its a sensation I just can't describe. Anyway this song: Just Breathe by Anna Nalick not only has the voice that massages my soul but the lyrics seem like they were written for me.

Ohhh so many times have I been simply close to various women in my life that later we share some sort of intimacy that helps us both heal. I have experienced much judgement from the world around me, usually along with other women as I have stood by them. Either as lesbians we witnessed the "accusing their eyes" or either as adult sex workers..... or young mothers... boy scout leaders... many times in my past  this has happened. I love all those women that stood by me and took in those looks but still held my hand.

Then of course the man in my life that has been in it for over 15 years, I love him, but his lifetime relationship with alcohol continues to poison our relationship. I love him, he knows it... he loves me, I know.... but alcohol has poisoned it and he just can't stop. I can't remember the last time I spoke to him sober...ohhh yah, when I insisted he not call me again until he was sober....so he did. Once, about 6 months ago. I love his smile and I would like to hold him or caretake him, but I know inside that is not a good idea as I get caught up with these type of poisonous people. He will likely die as a drunk. I know it will break my heart to see it happen.... but there is nothing I can do about it.  So "maybe I will just sing about it."

Then of course the last part is not just my writing but my dancing.... although being naked in front of a crowd is easier for me to do than lets say share a story I wrote... .its the idea of being vulnerable. Something I been working on. The fae inside me is so vulnerable and here I am allowing you, the reader.... if anyone reads this shit... I am allowing you to see some of my vulnerable... its scary. "Just Breathe"

Art and loving art is vulnerable.

I am a social creature and I need friends in my life. Since moving to Harrisburg I have struggled at finding friends that understand me, in an otherkin sort of way or even in a spiritual sense. I am not religious, just to make that clear. :) Although I do practice tarot, energy healing, and what might be called witchcraft or magik. Anyway, I would love to share in some of these things, as well as basic friendship with people I can meet in person. Nothing against my online friends, as they have their own place in my life, but I would also love to have more in person friends. As I have been searching around for local friends I have noticed lots of otherkin and furries that live in the area but all of them have the same complaint. "I have a hard time finding like minded friends in the area." This seems to be a common problem in Central PA. So in the effort to reach out, gather folks together, and support the community we have decided that its a good time to put together a weekly potluck.

So next Thursday and every thursday after that there will be "The Other Potluck" where all otherkin, furries, therians, and so on are welcome to join together. Welcome to everyone that is "other" or "other" friendly. It's free, just bring a snack to share with the group. Games, music, and performing will all be welcomed to share with each other each week. Drumming is available and an outside fire (inside in the winter time). There are resident animals and smoking will be outside. Everything else is negotiable.

Basic Information:

What: The Other Potluck
Where: Faehaven at 23rd & Derry St. area - Harrisburg, PA
When: Thursday nights 7pm
Who: Everyone that identifies as otherkin, furrie, therian, or is friendly with them
How: RSVP via email to strive4balance at g mail dot com asking for the address and letting us know your coming or interested in coming.
Bring: Food/Snack to share, games, instruments
Be aware: We have furry animals in the home so if you need allergy medication, take it/bring it

If this grows, we can meet at other places, have larger events, have themed nights, and any other ideas we can come up with.

Please share this post, especially if you know people in the Central PA area.

*names are changed to protect privacy rights*

In the past 5 or 6 days I have been working.. alot. 16hrs a day... Yah I know its not good for me which is why I turned down yet another double shift tonight. Although it was so tempting - there are so many interesting things that happen at this place and its exhausting and draining but I see things, I learn things, I interact, I heal, I love, I am loved..... Sigh, I wish I didn't have this human body.

Anyway, I have been essentially sleeping, working, and sleeping - then working some more. :) But I needed to slow down, burn out was pending. I am a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) at a progressive non-profit "faith based" nursing home in the Harrisburg Area. My job is simple - I try to improve or at least maintain the quality of life of the aging community. This could include companionship, feeding, hugging, changing their incontinent briefs, helping them walk, bathing them, taking them to the bathroom, taking their vital signs, listening to them, or simply holding their hand. Its my job, that while these individuals are in my care that I do all I can to increase their quality of life. Now from the perspective of our current health care system I am "the eyes and ears for the doctors and Registered nurses" So its a mixture of both of these descriptions. My job is interesting, fun, sad, frustrating, draining, and a labor of love.

So a little peak into my experiences - I was working 11pm to 7am, this last shift would bump me to 32hrs in a 48 hour period. So I am overtired... A lady rings her call bell at about midnight. I walk into the room and stumble for the light switch. I have never met this woman since this is not my regular assignment. I am simply filling in for someone that called off. I kneel down beside her bed and I knew by the paperwork her name was Lily and that she could walk to the bathroom if I supported her.

I say, "Hi Lily, I am Hollis and I am here to take care of you tonight. Did you ring the bell?"

She tells me she needs to use the bathroom and we begin to move to get her out of bed and she says, "You're a good helper." and I reply with the standard "thank you" response. It's nice to hear these things from the residents in the nursing home.

She stands shorter than me and I cannot see her face. She is hunched way over her walker and wears her hair very long. Its in a ponytail that is messy in the back and is wearing a hospital gown. Her hair is dark with streaks of gray and I notice a smell of loose feces, she is dirty. She is hunched over the walker and sort of skitters across the room. Her walk reminds me of a creature I used to know - troll like.

I deal with her dirty bum very quickly and sit her on the toilet where she can finish what started. I knelt down to put on the clean incontinent brief and as I strap on the last piece of tape she says again, "You are a good helper."

I stay squatted beside her and I look up into her eyes. This first glimpse at her face is mesmerizing. She has dark long hairy eyebrows, some various spotty facial hair, and a smile that could charm anyone. I smiled back and I said, "Thank you Lily."

She complimented the scrub I wore with the flowers upon it, often I forget that I am wearing such flowery clothing... but I wear it for them, not me. It's not my style but I am happy it has reminded her of something. I thank her and say, "Do you like flowers, Lily" and she giggled and said, "Of Course...I love to grow them."

We smiled at each other and began to discuss gardening and how we like to grow things. She shared with me her favorite flower, the marigold. Unusual flower as it is the baddest smelling flower known, in fact many gardeners use it to keep away insects, animals and other predators of vegetable gardeners. I shared my love for roses and how I like to let them go wild. I shared that it was spring right now and that my roses were budding. She smiled and said, "Kiss a bud before it opens and you will have twice as many buds on that bush." I love these little things they carry on from their past... I smile, stand up and thank her.

We finish the task at hand and head back to the bed and as she is walking and I lay my hand on her back she says.... in a tone like a teacher would ask a theoretical question.

"What is the meaning of life?"

She sits on the edge of the bed. I squat down beside her and say... "I don't know, do you?"

She answers like a teacher would, "It begins with the letter P."

I make a few guesses and she agrees to none of them, she simply turns around on the bed and curls up to sleep. I cover her with her blankets and say, "Well I will think about that."

3 hours later, 10 other brief changes later and about 3am. She rings again.

I enter the room, establish she needs to use the bathroom and she sits on the edge of the bed and says, "You're a good helper."

I thank her and we head to the bathroom. Upon arriving in the bathroom and allowing me to clean her in the same fashion and for the same reasons.... I squat down to put that brief on her again. She asks, "Do you have a family?" and I answer, "I have a 19 year old son."

She smiles and stares into my eyes, "Ohhh I know he is a great child. You are a good mother"

I thank her and ask her about her family. She tells me that her little brother was killed while tending a horse in the field as a child. He was 10 yrs old. It was sad, but it was his time she explains.

I don't mention our conversation before and we talk about my son for a little. We finish our task and we skitter back to the bed and she says again in the same tone, "What is the meaning of life?"

I laugh a little and think "Am I losing my mind or having a hallucination?"

I answer back, "I don't know, but you seem to know, can you tell me?"

She lays down in her bed, faces away from me, I cover her and she says, "It begins with the letter P."

I giggle a little and say through a smile, "Well thank you for the hint Lily, I will try to come up with a list."

3 hours later and other weird experiences with the aging community have passed and its almost the end of my shift. She rings her bell.

We begin in the same ways as before but this time the topic is me. She asks, "Do you like your job?" and I answer that "I love my job - its exactly where I am NOW."

She smiles. I ask her what she did. She was a 1st grade teacher, she always loved it. We talked about not going further in our careers for one simple reason, we love it where we are NOW. Why change it... we love it. Money is not THAT important. If you have enough, that's all you need. Two people sharing what it feels like to love your job.

Again we finish our tasks and as she is walking back she asks yet again.

"What is the meaning of life?"

I had no time to make a list I have 15 other people on my list I had to toilet or at least check plus I have that dreaded paperwork thing they like us to do.

I said, "I don't know, but I wish you would tell me."

She laid down, turned against the wall, snuggled up and as I covered her she said, "It begins with the letter P."

So I made a couple of basic guesses like Pain and Pleasure - I don't know when I will have the pleasure to work with her again. But I could go and see her whenever I want, but I don't know if she will talk about this. BUT if I do, I want a list of guesses. When I have a fairly long list I will put it on my phone and hopefully have it when I see her next. So make your submission...

Yes I am aware she may never answer me...

From beneath Lilac




Breathe In. Breathe Out. From beneath the tree sits a being looking up at the branches, feeling the breeze, smelling the air, just sitting. As the sun pokes through the freshly sprung leaves the being takes in the beauty from beneath a tree. The underneath of the leaves seem to be vulnerable and open. If I was thirsty I would simply turn this side up to get any moisture from the air. If I need less sunshine I will limp over and protect this vulnerable skin. My flowers blooming to show the world world around me to wake up. Telling everyone that we must awaken, its spring.


I am stretching my branches out in a haven, stretching my branches. I can feel the sunshine on me, it tells me to awaken. Awaken to life. Live it, stetching your branches, showing your flowers, hiding your vulnerabilities for only those special occasions and taking only what is needed.

My center is attached, I have not moved. I am still the same just layers are added as each year passes. Each layer tells a story about me, my environment, and what I have experienced. Good and bad will show through but that is what makes me so beautiful, without it i would just be a sapling. My thickness and experiences make me strong with spots of weaknesses. Some of my weaknesses are homes for others to live, others to explore and thrive with their own lives. Some weaknesses are simply broken and just need to be pruned. Every marking on me is how the world has marked me up. How the human world has come into contact with me.

I reach below, down into the earth to find all of life's supplements, need life juices. Everything I need is here, within the earth. it grows here, it dies here, and is within the soil of the earth. The nutrients naturally occur here, they dwell here, and exist here in harmony with me. This is where it all began and I can feel my roots reaching deep within my mother for all that is needed. Every part of me springs from within her and I can feel her loving me back. I can feel my roots spreading out, taking up the juices, taking in the earth. I breath out what she needs, she breaths what I need. Together we are taking loving care of each other. No one is stronger than the other, we simply all exist within our world as we should. Complimenting each other and bring together what is life. All that is together in harmony is life. Life is living and living is all that is life.