strive4balance: Green Feminine Mischievous Dryad (Green Feminine Mischievous Dryad Feary f)
 I love music... seriously I truly love it. It is an art form that touches my heart so deeply I cannot even describe it. My love for music has been a lifetime love and often I find music that helps me heal from things. It also helps me resolve life and other mysteries. Sometimes I hear a song that I just am so touched or I swear that the writer wrote that song just for me. Or the voice of the singer seems to massage my soul.... its a sensation I just can't describe. Anyway this song: Just Breathe by Anna Nalick not only has the voice that massages my soul but the lyrics seem like they were written for me.

Ohhh so many times have I been simply close to various women in my life that later we share some sort of intimacy that helps us both heal. I have experienced much judgement from the world around me, usually along with other women as I have stood by them. Either as lesbians we witnessed the "accusing their eyes" or either as adult sex workers..... or young mothers... boy scout leaders... many times in my past  this has happened. I love all those women that stood by me and took in those looks but still held my hand.

Then of course the man in my life that has been in it for over 15 years, I love him, but his lifetime relationship with alcohol continues to poison our relationship. I love him, he knows it... he loves me, I know.... but alcohol has poisoned it and he just can't stop. I can't remember the last time I spoke to him sober...ohhh yah, when I insisted he not call me again until he was sober....so he did. Once, about 6 months ago. I love his smile and I would like to hold him or caretake him, but I know inside that is not a good idea as I get caught up with these type of poisonous people. He will likely die as a drunk. I know it will break my heart to see it happen.... but there is nothing I can do about it.  So "maybe I will just sing about it."

Then of course the last part is not just my writing but my dancing.... although being naked in front of a crowd is easier for me to do than lets say share a story I wrote... .its the idea of being vulnerable. Something I been working on. The fae inside me is so vulnerable and here I am allowing you, the reader.... if anyone reads this shit... I am allowing you to see some of my vulnerable... its scary. "Just Breathe"

Art and loving art is vulnerable.

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strive4balance: Androgynous Dryad with bird (Default)
strive4balance

August 2012

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